im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
