You smell like a Billy Joel song
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
