i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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