I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
