I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
