How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You're like the curious george of whores
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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