we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
they're like a gay fantastic four
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
