found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
