Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
