sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize