The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
