And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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