i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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