I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
