I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
