he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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