i jhust puked up my retainher.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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