The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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