i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
