and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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