If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
