It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
