thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
