think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
