i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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