Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
