My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
