Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
