just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize