mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
