dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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