Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We got so high we made milksteak
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
