he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
