So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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