you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
