I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
