i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
