two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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