those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
