I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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