That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
