you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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