Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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