pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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