I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
