So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
