You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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