just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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