Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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