I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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