Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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