sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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