I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
