I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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