What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
