apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
