Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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