Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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