wakey wakey hands off snakey
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
