Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toyâ€
Randomize
