Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
