I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
