you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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