I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
