he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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