i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
