i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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