at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
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