I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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