Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize