i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
