we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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