I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
