she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
