Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
