im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
