My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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