how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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