I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize